My crime is that I am vain. I like cute men. Who you date always reflects the person that you are. One guy I met is a physical trainer in Hong Kong. He is a black african. I forget what country. He has a body to die for...He has a good size on him. He's just ripped with muscles. "Pow, pow, pow"!!! What's the problem? I don't like his mug. He's not cute in the face. Some friends joked..."Who cares? Just put a bag over his face?" Apparently, I care. I like to look at a guy. Just having a body? I can't do that. Pretty much if I had to choose, looks would win every time... Money versus Looks? Looks. Skin color or Looks? Looks. Ethnicity/Nationality or Looks? Once again, Looks. Except when you ask me, Personality versus Looks? Ummm...I have to have both. I'm sorry. I can't choose. I have to have looks and a personality. I do have a redeeming quality. A guy can be a total hottie but yet an arse. And I'll just lust after him. He'll be regulated to periods of mild off-stage flirtations and from time to time making guest appearances as the sweet, kind and attentive guy in those dreams you have before you drift off to sleep satisfied. But I won't want to be in a "real" relationship with him...He's just eye candy. But a guy can be sweet and kind and I just can't get passed that he's not cute. Last week a guy took an interest in me. That isn't anything new, but neither is it an everyday occurrence. Apparently my fan club is growing among the african contingent at Ubar. Dave and I decided to have a Ubar marathon last week before the holiday was to end the following week. Upon never having met me a Nigerian named Ola brought me a drink the first night. Guys, write that move down, I'll admit that in Shenzhen that was suave. We talked for a couple of minutes then he walked a way. Later he came back and asked me for my number. I refused to give it to him. He gave me his card. The second night there was much of the same. He brought over a drink then invited me over to his table. I declined. He asked a second time for my number. He wanted very much to have dinner with me. I told him that I'd think about it. He came over later and asked again. I gave it to him. Night number three when I arrived he came over and told me that he was sitting "over there" then pointed toward the bar and then told me that he wasn't going to bother me. I nodded and allowed him to stay "over there" the entire night. He called me the next Wednesday and asked me to dinner. I told him that I was unsure about having dinner with him. He told me "I know". Regardless, I wouldn't be capable of having dinner with him that night. I had chinese class and was quite tired from returning to work. So, what's the problem. There wouldn't have been any problem if I just went with my gut. But no, I allowed myself to doubt and listen to my friends who were like "He's good enough". What the hell is all that about? "He's good enough." Then you go out with him since you're attracted to him. I'm not so I can't. I thought about it for more than a week. I wrestled with "he seems nice." Bump that. The answer is "No". He called me Saturday night and the answer was "No". Of course we had to go through the why nots. And I know that it didn't help that I didn't have any to share with him. What am I supposed to say..."Uh...Plastic surgery...You're just not up to my standards aesthetically". Seriously, it really just boils down to not being interested enough in going out with him. Although still cautious, I'd be more gungho and waiting for instead of dreading his phone call, if I was physically attracted to him. Our phone conversation ended with me telling me "You aren't going to change my mind. It's made up. I have to go. I have a party to go to. Goodbye." Hopefully, that will really be the end of that. Heartless I know, but what's a girl gonna do. I should have let my "no" be "no" and stuck to it. Like I'm even supposed to overlook that he's not cute? Not even! I know that I am expected to. Let's be honest. Most guys will screw a not so attractive girl because they have a need not because of desire. But to adorn the coveted crown of "Girlfriend" one needs to be cute. On the rare occassion that a girl slips under the radar it's usually because a) he knocked her up or b) she became his friend, and one day when he had matured into his title as "Prince Charming" (meaning the girl got tired of waiting and began dating someone else), he realized what a treasure he had as a friend. And began to pursue her as an object of desire. Only the few, the brave,the strong, can see past a girl who's not cute and into her soul. But as a woman, from my pedestal I'm expected to be "ok" with being desired and look past a man's looks and love him for his personality. Right...Uhh...No! I'll love you, all right. Love you as a friend. I just can't allow ugly on top of me. I mean, uh...I mean, Him being unattractive to me does nothing for my libido. I have to be able to look at him. I want to desire and be desired also. I know, I know...Women are sexually aroused emotionally and men are sexually attracted to women visually. Right, right. Whatever. Here's one woman off the pedestal who is sexually attracted visually, but still can't screw unphased like a man. Oh, but that's a blog to come. | 
